well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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