i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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