I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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