We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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