I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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