I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
