I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
