she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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