I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
