i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up under a house in Key West
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
