i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I am one with the molecules
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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