totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it because I queefed?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
