Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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