well you can't waste a boner
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
