pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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