grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
