A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
