I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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