I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
