return my video game
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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