i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
