can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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