I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
