Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
