no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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