Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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