Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
