Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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