my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
