I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
