can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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