I think scott just propositioned me for sex
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
