my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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