arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
