I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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