Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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