o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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