Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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