So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
