Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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