I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
