I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
