I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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