I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
