I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
