MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
