I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
PANTIES FOUND
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
