a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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