the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
