I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
