Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday