Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.