im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.