one might say we're banned from that church
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?