At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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