at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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