Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wow bdsm is so cute
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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