girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
