I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
