were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize