I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
