I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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