It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
