I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
