Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize