he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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