So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
