Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
