We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is Oprah even human
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Randomize
