I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We're too hungover to prance.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
