I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
