you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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