There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
