how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This girl is more easily done than said...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
