I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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