If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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