i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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