shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
