when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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