Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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