If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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